


Peter Parker the Silent Crier

by blazingstar29



Series: +1 Series [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Anxiety, Depressed Peter Parker, Depression, F/M, Hurt Peter, Irondad, Nightmares, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Tom holland peterparker, Tony Feels, mcu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-07
Updated: 2018-11-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 04:02:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16548497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazingstar29/pseuds/blazingstar29
Summary: Three times Peter Parker cried alone, and one time some one found.





	Peter Parker the Silent Crier

**Author's Note:**

> Okay hi, I have received two comments about how I have essentially given Peter a 51/50. I have since googled it and apparently it’s a law in California. We do not have a law like that where I come from. I have changed it since and I hope to stop receiving (anon might I just addd) very unconstructive criticism. If something is medically wrong, leave a comment saying : hey did you know ...?
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry rant over lmao. Hope y’all can enjoy the story now

1 

Peter Age: 7

Peter hated loud noises. He hated then with every single fibre in his body, because loud noises were unpredictable, and Peter hated the unpredictable. It was a night where stars couldnt fight their way through the light pollution. Aunt May and Uncle Ben were exhausted, they had been at a funeral of a close friend of May's that had beheld in Brooklyn. The traffic didn't let them get back fast as they liked. Peter had seen the dark shadows under Ben's eyes and the tear tracks on May's cheeks. So he went to bed quietly with no complaint, May and Ben turning in a short while later. 

It was a while later when the thunder had rolled in. Peter was in the middle of letting himself fall asleep when the thunder cracked causing him to snap awake. The storm wasn't all that loud, but every time Peter calmed him self, thinking it had passed, the lightning lit up his room, the thunder would growl viciously.

It was too unpredictable for Peter to stand, unpredictable scared him. He liked facts, and he couldn't guarantee when it would pass. He was holding on to hope, and that was something Peter had long since bared him self from believing in. He had hoped the shadow of stress would leave Uncle Ben's eyes, he had hoped his parents would come back, he had hoped he would make friends at he new school. Hope, was a selective belief. It came to those and deserted others. 

Peter curled around his pillow, eyes screwed shut as tears leaked downhill red face. He didn't let sobs emerge or let his throat whine, he just let the tears streak silently down his face. It was time for Peter to grow up, he had scolded himself internally. 

But the scolding only brought more tears, the slid almost as fast down his face as the rain drops did on the window. 

 

2

Peter Age: 13 

Anxiety, was one of Peter's demons. His other was school camps. School camps meant being away from the safe and normal, school camps were full of surprises and strangers. Neither, Peter made a point of interacting with. And so it so became the day that Peter was shuttled of to school early for the bus to the nature reserve where the camp was with the rest of his year. He was pale under his wide brimmed hat as May took the obligatory photo. The bus was full of people, people who weren't partially kind to him. Peter desperately wished it was at least a science camp. It was a hiking camp, one where his allergies and his asthma puffer was sure to make a show. 

"Have fun Peter!" Rang in his ears as he lugged his packed into the storage under the bus. He had a whole hour to wallow in his self pity. He was stuck with these people for a whole week with no break. Most people would ignore him, a handful would jibe him if antihistamines made a show. But ultimately he flew under the radar, people just followed Flash Thompson's lead, he could stand it. Maybe once he reached Freshmen year he would get a break with more classes. 

 

When the bus released the chattering students, Peter couldn't help but quietly marvel in the beauty of the nature reserve. He didn't mind nature, but he wasn't fond of it's effects on his lungs and sinuses. 

A handful of hours later, Peter was surprised to find that he was faring well in the warm spring day. He had sneezed a little on the walk, and again when setting up a tent he shared with a boy called Damion whom had been pleasant but was obviously disappointed in not bunking with friends. It was clear how Damion was planning on going for a midnight wander to his friends tent. 

Peter was coming out of the camp site bathrooms on the first night, when Flash decided he was bored. Peter was wearing a flannel shirt of Ben's over another shirt and tracksuit pants a back pack held his clothes from the day.

"Hey Parker! Two poor to afford proper clothes?" Flash shouted, starting to tail Peter. Peter tried to just ignore him, but the financial jab was breaking the resolve because it was true. Peter often wore his uncle's clothes, hemmed and adjusted with the careful work of May. It not only kept him in clothes, but it gave him a sense of security. 

Flash and his cronies trailed him right up to his tent. He kept making little jabs that forced Peter to flush, because they're all true. He was heading to the door of his tent when Flash finally pushed him, sending him falling over his tent peg. He landed in a heap, Fast and co took off leaving Peter in his misery. Pete flailed for his bag and shot inside his tent. He tucked him self in his sleeping bag trying to be silent. But a tiny hiccup worked his way up his throat as the first tears leaked. Curling inwards to shield his face from the world he internally berated him self as he cried. He hated himself for crying over the teasing, for letting himself fall. Most importantly he hated himself for caring. 

 

3

Peter Age: 14

Peter wouldn't let himself stop rewatching the internal flash drive on repeat in his mind. He would't let himself forget the sound of the gun shot ringing. He will never let himself forget how it was his fault. He will never let himself forget how he caused it. He will never let himself forget that he let his uncle die. 

"Repeat after me," he whispered to him self, his voice cracking with emotion. 

"I, Peter Benjamin Parker, let my Uncle, Ben Parker die," he whispered before repeating the phrase, ""I, Peter Benjamin Parker, let my Uncle, Ben Parker die." 

Peter rockets up from the bed, stumble softly he grasped for a notebook, he knew how he could stop himself from forgetting. He found a pen on the floor and instantly started scribbling.

1\. I let Uncle Ben die

2\. It is my fault because I ignored the guy in the store.

3\. I ignored him because we're poor.

4\. We're poor because I was thrust upon May and Ben.

5\. I was put upon them because my parents died.

6\. At least they don't have to deal with me anymore.

7\. I should leave for May's sake. 

Before Peter knew it, there was a patter of tear drops on the page, he knew he had to stop then. He knew this was a self destructive habit, it would do his mental state no good. But it felt good knowing that it was on paper, because now he couldn't forget. And forgetting things are bad. The pen slid from his finger, the notebook soon followed falling to the floor. He let himself crumple into the sheets, twisting them in his fingers. He let his tears flood down his cheeks, soaking a patch on the worn sheet. He lets his snot drip onto it as well, his mouth agape to take in oxygen. He hated himself in the morning for falling asleep. 

But at least he wouldn't forget.

 

+1 

Peter age 17

Peter was having a bad week, to be honest it wasn't even a good month. He was so caught in planning a celebration party for Pepper earning more than twelve percent of Stark Industries, that he forgot Ben and May's wedding anniversary. Not that they usually did much, but he had his own rituals on occasions that would have involved Ben.

The party itself had been a disaster. It had all been laughing and chattering until Peter, reaching for the only non Spider Man themed glass tony had left just out of his reach, he had knocked over a glass on the counter when he jumped from a party popper. The glassed shattered on the floor, the sound attracting everyones attention as Peter tried to desperately clean it up. An ill phrased comment by a tipsy Clint, had gone something like: "Damn, can't have a hero who are scared of party toys on the team." This had caused Peter to instantly turn bright red as he tipped the last of the glass in the bin. 

Peter had hurried to his room and hidden there until morning. He had trudged through the next couple of days until Thursday, when Peter had a chemistry test. He knew the topic, it was chemical equations and compounds. Nevertheless is he still studied hard half the night and sat the exam with confidence. Only, for his teacher to stride up to his desk the next day demanding his paper. 

 

Peter left the room with a fail on his report card and detention for a week, limiting his time at the tower. 

Peter was know curled up at five in the afternoon on a Friday, he was at the tower for the weekend, the last of his detentions over. He had hidden in his room, the dark cloud hung over him.

You missed Ben and May's anniversary.

You forgot.

How dare you forget.

You should be punished.

These thoughts swamped Peter, he did his best to dry his tears the second they dribbled over his eye lids. 

He may have fooled the foot traffic in the hallway. But nobody could fool the best Artificial Intelligence in the world. The footsteps outside his door told him F.R.I.D.A.Y hadn't even consulted him first.

"Peter, are you in there?" A deep, worried voice called, it radiated American-ness true to only Steve Rogers. If he was in any other meltdown he would have laughed. "Peter, can I come in?"

Peter could hear the electric in the walls buzzing, he could hear the foot traffic in the hall, he could hear Steve's breath.

"Initiate Quiet Spider protocol F.R.I.D.A.Y," Peter whispered.It was a risk, Tony had it built in for when Peter was unable to handle anything more than remembering to breathe. He knew the Avengers would be notified. He knew that if he didn't retract after one hour, with out telling F.R.I.D.A.Y verbally asking for more time out, he would be put under 24 hour psychiatric watch. He knew he would be working Tony sick.

 

MayMayMayMayMay

BenBenBenBenBen 

breathePeterbreathePeterbreathePeter

MayMayMayMayMay

BenBenBenBenBen

breathePeterbreathePeterbreathePeter

MayMayMayMayMay

BenBenBenBenBen

breathePeterbreathePeterbreathePeter

MayMayMayMayMay

BenBenBenBenBen

breathePeterbreathePeterbreathePeter

 

The mantra fled his brain when F.R.I.D.A.Y broke his freak out.

 

"Peter, if you do not retract Quiet Spider protocol in five minutes, you will be forced in psychiatric watch," she told him quietly.

"Where is everybody?" he asked sitting up, placing his feet on the floor.

"The Avengers are currently in the common room, staff are on their respective levels," she answered, "I'm sure you would be more than welcome to join them." 

"Yeah, don't tell them, I don't want them waiting," the AI hummed in response. Peter rose and glanced at the bag on the floor, he dug inside retrieving the note book. It was time. 

Shuffling down the hall Peter rode the elevator down the the shared floor. He meandered along tiredly, loose sweatpants dragging on the floor. When he reached entrance he gazed in, the team were talking quietly from their respective positions. 

The first to notice his hesitated stop was Rhodey, he nudged Natasha who in turn nudged Tony, who whipped around to see Peter standing like a rabbit in the headlights, he stood and took a fw steps towards Peter.

"Peter," he greeted quietly, "F.R.I.D.A.Y said you were coming down." 

It wasn't a lot, but Peter's walls broke. He rushed forwards dropping the book and pressing himself into Tony's arms.

"Your A-AI is such a-a fucking sn-nitch," he sobbed into his shoulder, wrapping his arms around Tony's arms, leaning on him with such a weight he stumbled back pulling an armful of Peter to the floor. 

Tony hushed him, until he could get a word out with out stuttering too much.

"The b-book," he said shakily, all eyes fell to the book on the floor. Clint stood first, venturing out to pick it up, he looked to Peter and then to the cover, and opened the first page. The shuddering he took rose their concerns. He flicked through before reaching the end, the book was dropped to the floor again.

 

This kid, this kid they all cared about was destroying himself.And he was having none of it. 

 

Clint slid down and took Peter from Tony, pulling him into his own frame, Something was muttered between the two, something no one else will ever know, but what ever it was, eased his anxiety to the point where he allowed Steve to lift him on to the couch. He placed him ever so gently down between the two Russian assassins in the room. Natasha's arm uncurled from being crossed and pulled Peter in close under her chin. 

His shoulders were still tight, his breathing mildly erratic. But he could breathe, and thats all that mattered. 

 

He could breathe.


End file.
